Monday, October 6, 2008

Mother of the Year

Mother of the year time again--only this time, I really DESERVE the award!!

Little Man is fascinated with little critters, I blame Sweetums for this bad, bad habit as she too is fascinated with them and encourages the catching of them daily. This summer the two of them caught so many critters I designated a "critter jar" and this was the only one allowed to have something living inside it. Why would I do this you ask? Because they were catching tons of said critters and therefore I had tons of critters in tons of containers. All were dieing in those said containers. I was finding said dead critters all over the house and then having to dispose of them. Then I was dealing with tears from the passing of said loved ones.

The "Critter Jar" has made many appearances at school, but is mostly carried around by Little Man all day long. Being the good mother I am and worrying ever so much about the critters families, I insist the critter be let go before previously mentioned death occurs. I have actually heard bug moms calling in their critter kids for supper --"YES, I HAVE!" Now, yesterday I being the mother of the year, went outside first thing in the morning to find a "pet" for the day. I, in my illustrious pajamas, flip flops and fantastical bed head trudged out to the garden in the hopes of finding a caterpillar. No luck. A grasshopper was the next request. Now, pause here and think about such a request at my age--looking like I did. Funny enough you say? Well, it gets better I promise! I hopped around the yard chasing after a many illusive hopper friends. I looked up at one point as I heard laughter and noticed my neighbors with their dogs giggling my way. At this point I also noticed Mr.KIR, Sweetums, and Pony Girl gawking through the window. Grrr. I kept a hopping as the critters kept hopping. After several minutes of missed hoppers, I finally grabbed a slow moving critter who just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I plopped him in the jar and slammed the lid on. There you go kiddo...a "critter friend" for a day.

All fine and dandy you ask--NOPE! We began the long walk inside and I felt a little something on my uhm...buttox...I thought, "What the.." I stopped, felt back there---yes in broad daylight with a neighbor watching. I apparently have no shame. I felt nothing but muscles and hard core flesh. "YES, I DID." So I kept walking and felt it again, This time I quivered. I grabbed my butt again and holy crap, a grasshopper was in my pants. I literally pulled my pants down before I even thought about where I was. Mr. KIR was LAUGHING and finally came to help. I was grabbing and squirming with my pants half down before I finally caught the critter and he had POOPED on my butt. Yes, you heard me...POOPED. MR. KIR was laughing as he let me know this fact, grabbed the hopper and freed him. GROSS! GROSS! GROSS!

I am telling you now--don't even try to take the MOTY award from me--I deserve it! "YES, I DO"

8 comments:

Goddard's Gang said...

That's just too funny!!! LOL!!!

Lucy said...

Yeech! Bad enough to be there in the first place but...LOL

Life with boys... said...

hahaha...I mean, Oh No!!! I have tears rolling down my face at just the thought of you standing in the backyard, post hopping, trying to find the rogue grasshopper. Glad you found it and there were no "casualties", cause I have to say I probably would have resorted to squashing the little bugger. (And then had to take the time to wash that off my rear)

Holly said...

Ok, this post totally made me laugh out loud enough that Dave had to come and see what was so funny! I know that grasshoppers poop like crazy when they get scared....learned that personally in my biology class in high school. Oh, how I miss hanging with the Goddard family and the laughing that is ALWAYS a result!

DIAZ BLOG said...

Jackie
I remember now what a good writer you always were! I am laughing out loud at this! I don't think I would ever win MOTY for catching critters. Kudos to you!
Jenn

Robin and Don said...

I will allow you to hold the mommy award for that one. Any mom who would risk humiliation from family and neighbors, let alone pull down their pants in broad daylight needs some recognition.

Marci said...

Jackie, I read this yesterday and AM STILL LAUGHING about it, thinking about it... SO DANG FUNNY! You make me smile and laugh. I needed a good laugh too. So thanks for having this experience for me!

Hopefulone said...

You are too funny! Thanks for the laugh:)