Thursday, April 30, 2009

Fire Starter

When the youth of our church said they wanted a bonfire at the KIR house...I was all for it...they are great girls and I love their silliness. However, when Mr. KIR was not going to be home the night of the event, panic struck--how was little ol' me going to man a fire, entertain the girls, and watch my three little kids with chocolate, marshmallows and a HUGE roaring inferno in my yard?

Why you ask? It took me awhile, but now I realize that by being married to Mr. KIR, I have been warped.

See, Mr. KIR is a pyro...when a young lad, he and his friends would head to Bear Lake in Idaho and build HUGE fires on the beach---designing words/art and paths with lighter fluid! OH MY! When we got married it continued. (and even though I love you, I blame you, Mr. You're Killing Me Campbell). When we have bonfires in our back yard...they are HUGE sometimes so dang hot you have to put your chair miles away to even sit. Mr. KIR starts them a good 30 to 45 minutes before anyone arrives and strokes them caring-ly and lovingly. I am so used to this that I have forgotten any other way. So in my mind, I was not going to be capable of this type of care with all the other things going on. I needed someone else to help! So I enlisted the help of a capable young college student just back from school.

He arrived a few minutes before the girls and said, "Okay, what do we do?" Interesting...

I had him get the wood while I wadded up the newspaper and put it in the designated fire section. I then had to tell him to build a tee pee kind of thing with the wood and gave him the matches. Do you see where this is going?

He lit one match, and threw it in. It did not start. So I being Mr. KIR's wife through and through ask, "Do you need some lighter fluid?"

He didn't think so...hmmm, WHAT?

He pretty much walked away as one of the girls began talking. So, I gingerly lit the fire. (I used the ol' matches to a paper log idea and did not even need lighter fluid. I impressed myself, oh yes indeedy!)

Now, at this time "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, cute girls are here, young man" proceeded to interact with the lovely young girls and neglect the fire. I am talking TOTALLY ignored the thing. You heard me...he is NO PYRO!

The fire started to burn out so I put on a few bits of wood. A few...just little ones. I then was able to sit and actually enjoy the fire. I was able to sit close, admire the beauty of the ember redness. I watched my kids play and talked with a few of the not enthralled with "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, loving this attention, young man".

At one point I joked with "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, ignoring the fire, young man" saying , "Hey Fire Starter, your fire needs wood." Mostly so I would not have to get up and get the wood myself. I had to anyway--he was busy...young girls and all--hanging on his every move.....

When it was time to go, I went to get some stuff to help "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, busy with the girls, young man" put out the fire...BUT while I was gone (like ten seconds,) HE LEFT. I am NOT kidding..."Mr. just returned from college, good looking, has no fire sense, young man" left my house: fire going, grass all around, kids running in my yard LEFT. I quickly took stock of the fire and found my kids. I then proceeded with the other adult lady there, to douse the fire and mull around the embers. It was simple. I actually did not need to do the whole routine MR. KIR does (you know without the HUGENESS of his fire trouble.) Amazing! Everyone else left and I finished putting out the fire and went inside with my kids.

A HUGONGOUS realization hit me. Mr. KIR's fires are scary and too big and I did not need "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, of no fire help, young man" to assist. I just needed to build a normal--not Mr. Kir-- type of fire.

So I officially decree: My fire fear Warpness is hereby removed!

Oh and, "Mr. just returned from college, good looking, of no fire help, young man" Thanks for coming to entertain the Laurels:)


Life with boys... said...

Yes when married to a pyro those fires can be quite scary! "Normal" fires are much easier to contain and control, especially when they are atop a mound of sweet potatoes ;^).

Love ya Jacks!

Alyson (New England Living) said...

Very funny! I don't have a pyro lover in my house, though my husband does it when called into duty. I love that you have bonfires all the time. That's so cool.

(P.S. You may want to change the word "lass" to "lad", unless your husband used to be a girl when he lived in Idaho. ;)

Aimee said...

Ok, laughing my butt off here! You mean all men aren't pyros?! I had no idea! You know, once that sweet husband of mine built one of those said fires at Bear Lake and filled a Super Soaker with white gas. Then he took that Super Soaker and sprayed it from the fire to my feet! Gotta love those pyros.

jackie said...

Alyson--THANK YOU !!

Aimee--That is so funny --oh and ummm, scary--see why I blame your hubby?

Deanna said... talking about my little brother?? :)

Robin and Don said...

Do you know why I won't let Don get a truck? Simple really, any male who owns a truck they make EQ Pres so he can move everyone. If that is taken, they just make you Bishop. That is a fact. Do you know what you just did...girl you are as good as going to girls camp this year. Anyone that knows how to make an A Frame campfire and admits it openly is asking for trouble. Don't be surprised when they ask you to be camp director next. I'll pray for you while I'm in my AC this summer.

Kimberleigh said...

Heh, Oh my gosh, and yes, we can absolutely blame Kent for our hubs being massive Pyros.

Brett would get live Christmas trees just so he could light them in January. Have you ever seen a very dead pine tree go up in flames? It scortches the freakin' eyebrows off.

DIAZ BLOG said...

boy, I am looking at my little iron firepit outside and thinking we are not nearly as fun as Mr Kir. Here I thought we threw a good bonfire party!! Oh and I am just possitive the laurals LOVE your house and your "help".